So, I am learning to enjoy being alone.. it has its difficult moments for sure, cause I am SUCH a people person. After Hayden goes to bed at night I feel like I have to be busy doing something, anything, EVERYTHING. I started making lists of things I can do after he goes to bed so I just don't waste my night online... just surfing around through facebook and myspace and blogs.. So today actually blogging was on my list.. cause I always thin about it but then get side tracked :)
I looked at engagement rings with a friend this week.. it was weird. I am incredibly happy for her, and the rings she loves are to die for.. I seriously can't imagine wearing 4,000 dollars on one finger.. i think I'd have to spread it out.. to a necklace and earrings and a couple rings :) I love jewelery but I SO don't want to get married again for a long while. I think I have mentioned this before.. but it is weird thinking about being with someone for forever again.. cause my first forever didn't last, you really are mourning what you thought was your future. I had so many dreams for Ben and I. Saving money, getting a house, having another baby, him going to school.. me working more.. Doing whatever it took to make ends meet and have a family. Watching our kids grow up together.. traveling, road trips, camping.. Growing old together.. And, now.. all of that every part of it really.. is gone, ripped to pieces, put through the shredder, just vanished. It's all just plain weird.
But life goes on.. love goes on.. you cry, you heal.. you become a new version of you. You learn A LOT about what you want and don't want..
I have been journaling like a mad woman lately, I think it is helping a lot. I have become totally and utterly addicted to coffee. And I don't care. There are much worse things. Went to the gym 3 days this week. Felt good, really want to get there 4 or 5 days though. Or atleast work out at home the other days. Or go for a run or something if at all possible. My self esteem is so much highier on the days I make it to the gym.
I better start on the next thing on my list for tonight. Baking cookies!
~Natalie
4 comments:
I *heart* you. :)
~Emily
yummmm cookies! I think you are great Natalie!
:::hugs:::
no matter if you are single, in a relationship, or married, I think everyone needs to strive to enjoy being alone, that usually means enjoying who God has individually created you to be, His precious child, and with that comes pure delight in time with the Lord! Some people have to fight to have this time, others don't know what to do with it. We're actually never alone, even when people are not around God is there, so it's learning to live with, listen to, and love God even more! I believe that is where we will find ourselves! I'm on this same journey too!
Post a Comment