Summer .. Seasons..
Memories of months in years past .. They stick with you.
Life changes so fast. We grow up so fast.. age so fast. .. Die so fast..
Ben and I met this month in 2002. on the 13th. Started dating on the 21.
We broke up August 14th, and he moved out August 16th 2008.
August 20th 2008 I lost my Best Friend. A Friend I sorely miss deeply everyday.
(She is alive but made choices that have devastatingly separated us, it continuously breaks my heart)
Somewhere in 2008 I lost many more friends. Close dear friends. I will always love.
My Mom .. Last year June 4th, 2010 had emergency back surgery due to cancer in her bones.
And from then on.. LIFE CHANGED drastically... I became THE CARETAKER.
Summer 2009 and 2010 I semi dated assholes.. thx boys!
Asia died May11, 2010. Her Birthday is 4 days after mine. July 25th.
I found out I was Pregnant with Mr Hayden June 10th, 2004.
(Which changed my whole marriage good and bad.. But ultimately My life for the BEST)
My 25th, 27th, 29th Birthday.. have bad memories attached.
The last few July's have not been my favorite. It is time for a change.
This July. This Birthday. This Summer. Is going to be good. Filled with life giving memories.
There are still tons of questions running through my mind. And there always will be. But that's okay. That is apart of me. I may not know what I want or need now but. . really when have I?
I have been in deep thought a lot, and just haven't known what to write or say. So this is a start.
30 will definitely be a welcomed chapter in my life. I have made it this far! So life will continue like it has. I love myself. and that is amazing step in and of itself. I am my own perfect. no one else is the judge of me but myself.
I'm tired of Judgement. I'm over Hypocrites. I am done with false Hope.
Take me or leave me this is who I am.
~Natalie
3 comments:
Very well said Natalie. You are a super person, and deserve nothing but happiness. I have been in your spot before as well, and still to this day wonder why certain things happened how they did. But i think i have accepted that they happened for a reason, and someday i will find what i truly deserve. Keep your head up and keep smiling, you have lots of people around you who care about you and accept you for who you are. Myself included. Its not about quantity of friends, its about quality. Have a great day my friend!! :)
I think we spend some time "taking" what life throws at us. But at that point, when we make the decision that life is going to be good- that THIS JULY is going to be good, I think something changes. I think you are ready to step to the next level, and leave a bad one behind. And you really CAN do that. When you make that decision, the good things are great and you soak them in. And the bad things become small and you have the "I'm not dealing with this anymore" mentality.
May this July be the best in a very long time, and I pray you find the inner healing you are looking for.
This July will probably be my worst July. My dad is about to pass. Probably be at his funeral in a week. Some dates are meant to be remembered I guess. Good or bad they shape us.
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