and back again.. and through it all, even reading back through journals on missions trips and youth events and marriage seminars.. I can't find the reality of god. I don't see it.
I don't feel blind..
I don't feel lost..
I feel the most alive that i have ever felt.
I feel real,
I feel full of life,
I feel unashamed,
I feel freedom, in its truest form.
I love life, I am not depressed, there are things in my life that make me feel sad, but they no longer overwhelm me or drag my emotions down.
I no longer have feelings that i am NOT good enough
or that I am a BAD person
or that I am .. conditionally ... yet somehow unconditionally loved.
riddle me that one..
Judge me as you wish, i personally don't care what you say, I am who I am.. and I am done with the facade.. underneath this is who i have always been, i just felt too religiously guilty to admitt it. luckily I'm over it now.
~Natalie
1 comment:
Heya. I'll love you either way. I wish I had wisdom that would shine through in this time for you, but I really don't know anything. I am at a weird place with God personally. Belief, yes, relationship? struggling. If you need a break, let me know, I can take your boy for a day or come sit with mom, or we can hang out if you would like.
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