Talking to people who new Asia, it seems like a lot of people are dreaming about her.. I haven't remembered one dream since she passed. 15 days ago, it is weird to not remember dreaming.. but knowing that you had to have been. I wake up thinking nothing. Just thinking 'she's gone, she's really gone'.. I am waiting to see the good God will bring out of this BAD. I do think about her all the time, and pray for her kids and her family. reality is sinking in more.
The lease is up on the other apartment i lived in, FINALLY. SO glad I don't have to pay two rent's anymore.. and just need to go and help clean this weekend. It is hard living with people, especially after you have been on your own. Right now it just makes sense that my mom and I live together, with how much Hayden and I were at her old apartment versus how much we were at home.. was ridiculous. And living with friends does strain the friendship, no matter how good the friendship is.. My guess is with time and space the closeness will return but it is a process. It sucks being hurt by people and hurting people. . ...
Back to Asia and senseless acts of pure evil violence. .. I was reminded of columbine last night, that shooting happened towards the end of my Junior year in High School. That hit home for me then, I didn't personally know anyone but realized how that could have happened at any school.. and has since happened at other schools. I have a book written about one of the students who's life was taken that day.. it hits a lot closer to home.. now that Asia is gone. .. Murdered like those students, like so many people are sadly.. everyday.. We do live in a fallen world.. and sometimes it is hard to find hope in such a place. But there is hope, and I am constantly reminding myself of that. It was not God's Will for Asia to die.. Horrific things happen because there is sin in this world... it is NOT perfect, we aren't in eden. But God and only Him can bring good from bad. And He will, and He even has already. Thank you.
Gonna try to sleep again now.... :)
~Natalie
3 comments:
Hope the living arrangement with your mom will work out wonderfully.
I'm sorry about your loss. :( How hard...on everybody.
Natalie, it sounds like you are working through Asia's death in a healthy way, grieving and mourning, yet trusting God to do something incredible because he's just that amazing. you speak truth and God is giving you boldness to proclaim the truths he is revealing to you. i'm so excited for you and the new places you are going in your journey with God!!!
I definitely know how living with a friend can hurt a friendship. That's been my biggest problem this year.. I lived with someone I was mildly close to and realized she was a completely different person.
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