My mom has stopped chemo, we have come to the end of our options and are going for comfort and quality of life for awhile. They haven't given us a timeline or anything cause no one really knows how long any one person will live. If you are reading this thinking.. why didn't i get a real live phone call... telling me this information.. it's because it is a very hard subject to talk about, you are all close loved friends and i hope you chose not to be offended by this mass message. But after watching my mom call her brothers and sisters i would rather not have her call anyone else.. i'll call or do it my way like this. If you have any questions or want to stop by for a visit please call me. she would love to see you.
How am I doing? ... is a question i hear a lot.. and a question that doesn't ever process right. usually i tell people what I'm doing.. and that isn't what they are asking at all.. :) .. everything is a fact, so I can talk about everything candidly because I haven't exactly processed it. I guess I'm surviving .. going through the motions.. getting everything done everyday i need too do... in reality id like to avoid all this .. everything and hold up and sleep in my room for days. But i can't do that, and i know that is just my depression creeping in, which is completely normal to go through, with all i have going on around me. So I guess.. you could say ... I'm handling the situation, and not exactly dealing with it. that's what counseling is for later right? :-P
I guess I'm at a loss for what else to talk about it.. when I go through high stress emotional situations, my mind goes haywire .. so between me and my goofy mother, we don't have a lot going on 'up there' right now :)
7 comments:
I grew up on a farm, so from a very young age I was exposed to the facts: Living beings die. Life moves on somewhere else.
But when a parent dies it is different, scary. There's a loss of something familiar. You have many, many fears yet to be faced. Life does not move on very quickly. One day you will wonder where something is, and immediately know that Mom would have that answer.
Stick to the facts. The multitude of facts will help you rationalize the emotions when it is most necessary.
Start with this: ISD191.org under community tab select Senior Citizen Center. Open the Chatter-Fall 2011 PDF. There you will find a class called 'A Fond Farewell.' They will teach you about funeral planning and how to compare prices. They also discuss living will.
Please know that we will be praying for you.
hi nat, thank you for your update. I appreciate it in any form you send it : ) So sorry to hear about your mom. I thought things were turning around from the last time I talked to her. You 2 have always been there for each other, what a blessing. love Bette
Hi Natalie. I just want to thank you for letting us know what is going on. I can't stop thinking of our childhood memories of our 2 crazy mama's and us as kids having fun. It is so hard to be so far away. I really want to be there everyday for your mom, you, and Hayden. But because I can't, I continue to pray for you all. Please, even though we are far away, let us all know what you need. Please give her tons of kisses and hugs from me and my family. And when you're ready and need to get away, we will get you here. We love you, Joyce and family
Nat, I just read about your Mom On Joyce's computer. I have and always will love your Mother. She is my best friend. If she needs me to come or you want me to come, just say the word and I'll come. Tell her that. I love you both. Sandy
Natalie, First I want to say I feel blessed that I got the opportunity to visit with You, Your Mom and Hayden on Tuesday.
As you know it was almost exactly a year ago that I was getting everything together and ready to take care of my Grandma on Hospice and I think you are a very, very strong person and I love you!
I think in situations like the one you are in right now all you can do is "go through the motions" and believe me when you feel you cant do anymore adrenalin will kick in and you will make it through all the tough times to come!
You, Your Mom and Hayden are in my thoughts and prayers all day every day and I love you all.
If you need ANYTHING feel free to call me.
Love Always,
Your Cousin Sherry
Hi Nat - thanks for leading me to your blog - I can relate to the kind of pain you're experiencing. I'd like to visit your mom if that is at all possible. I've tried to find a phone number and address through the years but couldn't - even drove through the neighborhood where I last saw you but couldn't remember which townhome it was so had to give up. Let me know if I can do anything for either of you. Love, Patty
Hey Nat :)
I always get so sad at the prospect of losing someone. I used hold my dog and cry just because I knew she was getting old and wasn't going to be around forever. I'm sorry that I can't be there with you. I don't know if you think me indifferent or uncaring because of lack of communication, but the truth is while you have to be strong, I don't, and I can't handle sitting here knowing knowing I am going to lose my aunt someday. I love you both very much
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