the rent is always due on the first, the laundry always needs to get done.. the dishes are always ready to be washed and life continues..
it feels like life should just chill out and be quite and stop for awhile.. but it doesn't... I find myself busying myself even when I could have free time.. it is easier that way the less i am alone the less i think about what is really happening, i believe its called denial..
I am still in complete shock that my mom is gone and at how fast the process was from the last treatment day to her death.. death.. that is a weird word to say now that it is so REAL. .. she is really gone. She isn't going to walk in the door from a chemo treatment with Teresa.. she is gone.. she isn't coming back.. it's just plain weird.
such a whole.. and everything i am filling it with will never be enough, and i know that.. so i don't think i am trying too fill it.. all her words and memories of her, fill that whole.. she is still there... but just not here. if that makes sense..
I miss my mom.. not how she was at the end but who she was my whole life. when she was full of life before the cancer started to slowly eat her away.. I have thought and thought and thought .. and NO WORDS will ever express how i feel about losing my mom. losing her the way i did.
wanted to give a real update to all of you i know that care so much, and i know i have been in many peoples thoughts.
love you all
~Natalie - Donna's Daughter...
3 comments:
I think grief comes in waves...either way you are washed out to sea.
Life does go on. It's surreal feeling at times.
What did she say to you, about after she would be gone?
My mom, when she was dying, told me to busy myself after she was gone. She said that that is the way she coped with her own mother's death. She told me that my dad took her places, did things with her, and never let her sulk too much.
I hated the finality of my Mother's death but I coped with pictures, memories, creating special things that made her memory live on in me and my children. Yet, it seems unfair...but life is unfair.
Love you girlie.
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