Cleaning house

is a continual job. Just like cleaning house in your heart. and your life for that matter.. its hard to change patterns and habits and thoughts.

I'm going threw a lot of healing lately. My heart has been hurt a lot, like most peoples and i am choosing now to try and go back and deal with emotions better, and not be so unforgiving and bitter. which when your hurt.. seems like the natural reaction.  So I am striving a moment at a time.. to forgive, and let go.. to not want revenge or wrath to get those that have "wronged" me. There are so many better things for me to put my energy into.

Forgiving myself, is something I've known i needed to do.. but something i have been running away from.. telling myself I have other things I can deal with first or telling myself i don't need to really do it. After the Divorce last year I went on a downward spiral.. I made multiple bad choices, and put myself in bad situations and bad relationships. I was full force-- running away from God, and all I "knew" to be right. All while lie-ing to myself.. Somehow justifying every action. Thankfully though there were SO many people praying for me... and Ultimately after a rude "God ordained" awakening. .. I began to take notice of another persons inadequacies in faith and hypocrisy, and soon realized I was acting the VERY same way.. And HATED the sight of that.. And slowly began listening to God's still small voice within myself. He never left me, I just was too loud and obnoxious to hear his still sweet sounding voice.

God does miracles NOW, in this day and age. His spirit is alive and well and all around us. Ready and waiting for us to just reach out to Him, so he can reach right back to us. So I am reaching for Him! I don't want to follow the ways of this World.. we are only here for a time, and I will do His work here and not my own craptacular-ness-es... His plan is far greater then I could ever want or imagine so why not rest in that.. and be patient and faithful. So that is my new plan. His "new" plan. which in reality has always been the WAY to go :)


Now.. on to cleaning my real live apartment.. haha
~Natalie